The first time someone tried to steal my bag in the subway I panicked and I broke his arm with an umbrella and since then none of my friends will let me forget about this.
If you think this was a badass moment you need to remember I’m 5 ft and my bag was a Lucky Star bag and I was crying while hitting someone much bigger than me repeatedly with a frog-shaped umbrella.
you are my hero
humans are very interesting because no other creature has gone through years of evolution to be this stupid
sometimes a sloth’s metabolism can slow down so much it can starve to death with a full stomach
today i heard 2 kids talking about buying fake IDs after school and so i started eavesdropping cuz u know thats big kid stuff and then one was like “yeah but is all this really worth it like im pretty sure the fake IDs cost more than the fish we r gonna buy”
to buy fish at petco u have to be 18 or older
they were going to get fakes to buy fish
|me in the winter:||how do you expect me to do things it's fucking freezing outside|
|me in the summer:||how do you expect me to do things it's fucking hell outside|